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Forgive: Now Stop Throwing Your Pearls To The Pigs.

“Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.”

– Matthew 7:6

The Bible teaches us that we should forgive “seventy times seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22) and that we should “pray for our enemies” (Matthew 5:44). By doing this we will “heap burning coals on their heads” (Romans 12:20).

This has to be the greatest advice of all time.

I mean, what from the Bible isn’t pure gold?

But seriously, even if forgiving others doesn’t encourage them to calm down, even in the slightest, through the forgiveness our own hearts, we are able to grow in character, because;

By forgiving others, we receive the undeserving grace of God.

Matthew 6:14-15 states that if we have the humility to forgive others, God will in-turn forgive all of our transgressions.

It’s a simple fact that people will continuously hurt us. That’s life. Human nature. Unfortunately, there’s no way around it. It’s up to us to decide whether we want to stick around or walk away.

WE DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH BEING MISTREATED BUT REGARDLESS;

WE MUST FORGIVE OTHERS.

If we know that through our forgiveness we have been forgiven by the King of Kings, that should be sufficient enough.

Point. Blank. I’m good.

However…

Through our forgiveness towards others, we are able to heal ourselves:

As if receiving the grace of God wasn’t enough, we find the ability to heal our own hearts through the empathy we give towards others.

The inability to forgive creates a sense of bitterness, frustration, anger and even sorrow within us that can only be appeased through letting go of the pain that others have caused within us.

Bitterness towards others is a mere reflection of our own egos attacking wounds that lie within, triggered by the actions of other people.

Instead of facing our demons and coming to a place of wholeness and rest within our hearts, we hold on to the pain, blaming others for shining light upon our darkest corners.

Forgiveness is a sign of a healed heart.

When we are able to heal all the ripped scars and burning wounds within, we can love ourselves on a level that we deserve. A level that even the darkest of nights and fiercest of battles can never take away.

This comes from a place of not allowing the things people say or do affect us, because we choose not to rely on the opinion or validation of others, but rather the peace found deep within ourselves and the unfailing love of God.

However, there is a huge difference between forgiving others and constantly putting ourselves in a position that can, will and does crush us spiritually.

As humans, we constantly seek in others the things that we’re trying to find within ourselves. The spiritual fruit that only God can provide through our own spiritual, emotional and psychological healing.

We constantly allow ourselves to go through situations or be treated in ways we don’t deserve because we don’t understand our true value through Christ.

Searching for things such as; validation, confidence, love, peace, companionship and wholeness within the approval of others. We believe that we are who people say we are but baby-girl, that just aint true.

Forgive others, yes, always, for that’s a true sign of spiritual maturity.

Jesus forgave the unforgivable, but he also walked away from those who didn’t spiritually feed him.

In Mark 3:31-35 , just after Jesus was mocked and ridiculed BY HIS OWN FAMILY, they came to visit him and he denied them, stating, “Here are my mothers and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

JESUS WALKED AWAY FROM HIS OWN FAMILY!

Does it mean he stopped loving them? No.

Does it mean he was bitter and hateful towards them? No.

Does it mean that he never forgave them? No.

It means that he was strong enough to say, “Hey, I love you, however, you’re not good for my mental, emotional and above all else, spiritual well-being so I choose to be around those who are.”

He chose his love for God and his divine will over anyone. He wasn’t about to corrupt that through the energy of others.

Boom!

So, my love, when are you going to stop believing that forgiveness and toxicity must coexist?

You can forgive others but not let them walk all over you. Forgive but don’t let them mistreat you. Forgive but don’t let their morals keep you from your own. Forgive but don’t their insecurities become yours.

You’re so much better than that. When are you going to believe it?

WE ARE GOD’S CHILDREN.

KINGS AND QUEENS.

Since when does a Queen put up with disrespect? Never, that’s when. You will be imprisoned or beheaded or who knows what the heck else.

(Disclaimer: Don't behead anyone for disrespecting you, just walk away. Okay? Movin' on.)

Anyways, it’s time to stop throwing your pearls to the pigs baby!

It’s time for you to step into your majesty and know that you are so much better than that.

You’re glorious darlin’!

There is nobody, I repeat, NOBODY out there who is worth taking your sanity, your peace of mind, your self-love, above all else, your value that you can ONLY get from God.

Stop putting your confidence in human beings who CLEARLY don’t have any themselves. That’s why they’re trying to steal yours.

Walk away my love. WALK. AWAY.

Don’t let anybody break what He’s trying to build.

YOU GOT THIS BECAUSE HE GOT YOU.

God bless and bless God. Yaweh-Yireh.


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Love: When It’s from the Soul, It’s Priceless.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

– 1 Peter 4:8

“I really like you, but I can’t spiritually afford you.”


My close friend Shannon and I we’re discussing the idea of love the other night and whether or not true love can be found in this generation.

It seems as if all men seek are Kylies while all women long for are Elons.

Does a love exist where instead of seeking someones status, we search for their hearts? Their insecurities. Their childhood wounds. Their happiness. Their love and companionship?

Does it?

Their are so many good women longing for love. A love that seems to have disappeared along with humanity.

Good women whose treasures lie in the spiritual connections they share with others. Who long to hold, love, comfort and share their souls with life-long partners.

All this generation wants is to share the night with lost souls from the bar that they “admired” through the daze of mixed drinks and long nights of drifting from their souls.

We wonder why people don’t seek women like us anymore. Like you, the beautiful being reading this, searching through this blog for answers that can only be found within yourself.

Loving. Kind. Patient. Gentle. God-fearing and true women.

Where are the ones on a mission to find the soul they can bring home to Mama? Instead, we choose to expose the sacredness of our lovers body with our friends as if they were a symbol of OUR validation rather than their own.

Then Shannon mentioned something that changed my viewpoint on love forever.

On the idea that maybe women like us have trouble finding love, true love, not because this world defines our value, but rather because our value goes far beyond this world.

The love we desire, deserve, isn’t of this world, it’s of the spirit. That type of love is rare, deep and holds a beauty that not many can easily comprehend, only those at an elevation as magnificent as our own.

Anyways, get to the point…

She shared a story with me about how she has engaged with many great men before; men she thought were true. Then they walked away. She was lost and confused.

Finally, she mentioned how one of these men told her:

“I really like you, but I can’t spiritually afford you.”

Mind blown.

Everything finally made sense.

I no longer put my value in the status of my relationship. Instead, maybe sometimes God knows who his special daughters are. He knows their worth. He knows that not any man will be strong enough to hold the fullness, the purity of her heart.

So he sets her aside.

Honoring his daughter.

Guarding her.

Keeping her as his own until a man is worthy enough, not to hold her heart, but to allow her to hold his.

Isn’t it funny, the women who want nothing but your heart are the most valuable, yet men don’t want to pay for that?

They’ve spent every dollar on those who want their valuables. So here you are, offering your heart but everything in their spiritual wallet is already gone.

So they run.

They run because they want to give you the world but they’ve already “thrown their pearls to the pigs” (Matthew 7:6). They don’t know how they can ever afford that kind of love to give.

I don’t know about you but I want that;


+ Mom and Dad never fought for.
+ Hold me when I cry.
+ Grab my hand and let’s pray.
+ Roast me with your friends, whisper sweet nothings at the end of the day.
+ Make love Saturday. Church on Sunday.
+ Laugh about how beautifully-chaotic our children will be.
+ Sip tea and share your dreams with me.
+ Wake me up in the middle of the night, ‘cause you can’t sleep & want to go for a drive.
+ Walks with your grandma, stay up all night watching Sponge-Bob.
+ Tell me about your fears & insecurities.
+ Discuss childhood wounds when it’s only you and me.
+ Fight with you, then pray for you.
+ Watch shows I don’t like as long as I have you by my side.
+ Be weird with me because even when I’m not making sense, somehow you get me.
+ Goosebumps whenever you look at me. Stare into my soul, your eyes promising you’ll never leave.
+ Kiss & bite you, scream of excitement for absolutely no reason.
+ Let people think we’re chaotic ‘cause we don’t need the drugs to get high.
+ That P.T. Barnum and Charity kind of love.
+ Sit with you on the side of the road as long you hold me close.

– type of love.

I want that kind of love that people think doesn’t exist. That romance that doesn’t make sense. That ‘how did she get so lucky?’ Kind of love. Forget about that Landon Carter, baby, when you’re right beside me. Does a love like this exist? Is there someone out there I missed? Where can I find a love like this? My best friend…

that type of love is priceless.


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Imperfection: It’s the New Perfection.

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.

– Psalm 139:14-16

While you’re walking with your head down, strangers are smiling your way.

When you’re looking at yourself in the mirror wondering why you can’t look like someone else, someone is scrolling through your page wondering how you’re so beautiful.

When you’re smiling that gorgeous smile and laughing that contagious laugh that you hate, the angels are rejoicing at the gates.

While you’re telling yourself, you’re no good for someone, they’re lying in bed wishing you were holding them.

While you’re wondering why you’re not good enough to go on dates, you turn down everyone who wants to learn your name.

Do you not know that every hair on your head is divinely counted? That every freckle on your cheek is perfectly placed? That nothing about you could ever be a mistake because the one in whom created you can do all things but fail?

Do you?

Well, now you do.

While you’re fighting your evil thoughts, wondering why you’re not “perfect”, God is holding your hand saying,

“Child, you’re mine. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You’re my masterpiece.

Your imperfections are PERFECTION.”


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Miracles: You Are The Biggest One.

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.”

– John 11:25

Rise up my love.

Didn’t Jesus prove that not even death can stop you? So why worry?

If only you knew that life was a series of deaths and rebirths, growing and flowing as you do.

With every heartbreak you’re brought to your soul. With each abandonment, you’re lead to your home. Through every “goodbye” you’re led to new “hellos”. In every weakness, you discover new strength. Discover pieces of you that no one can take.

When nobody’s around, you pick yourself up. You’re born again. Renewed.

Remember, Lazarus had been in the tomb four days by the time Jesus came and resurrected him from the grave.

When people blamed Jesus, when they doubted him, He still gave Lazarus a second chance at life. He allowed Lazarus to die so he can show people that there’s hope even in the seemingly dead.

God’s not done with you yet.

He allows things to happen to strengthen our faith so when he tells us to, “Rise up”, nothing can stop us.

Believe in miracles.

They still happen.

He hasn’t left you.

I promise.

When he’s silent, he has something up his sleeve. Trust him.

Rise up Lazarus.


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Love, It’s Far Greater Than Any Praise.

“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”

– Psalm 118:9

It’s incredible, we live our lives searching for our worth in the mouths of other people. Some of us live in a world where we never hear, “I love you”, “You’re important to me”, “You’re doing great”, “You’re worthy”, “You make me happy” or “You’re strong” as often as we deserve. This can damage a soul, leaving someone feeling undervalued.

Others get praised all their lives for everything other than what lies in their soul. Putting them on a pedestal can leave them confused in regards to who they truly are. They only view themselves through what people say they are. They build a foundation in their spirit through worldliness because that’s all people appreciated them for – their abundance of the world rather than the riches of their heart.

Yes, it’s important to compliment others, tell them that they’re beautiful and their success is valued.

However, we need to honor the process, not the outcome. We should tell people that we value them as a person much more. Compliment their personality, their soul, how they make us feel. At the end of the day, the only thing we leave this earth with is our soul.

Complimenting someone’s character leaves a much greater impact than telling them their outfit is fire or praising them for the amount of zeros in their bank account. It’s toxic because it makes them believe that’s all they contribute to the world.

People need love, not praise. Remember that.

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Confidence: The Battle Against Humility.

“For by the grace given me, I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”

– Romans 12:3

For some reason people tend to think that we can’t have both confidence and humility. Um, sorry bub, that’s a lie. You can be confident enough to know you’re beautiful but humble enough not to go around proving your sex appeal to others. You can be confident enough to know that you have the power to make your dreams come true and you deserve to receive everything you desire but humble enough to be grateful with present circumstances. You can be confident enough to know who you are and have your own beliefs but humble enough to allow others to have their own. You can be confident enough to know that you’re a freaking amazing human being who deserves to be loved the way you love others but humble enough to know that you are better than chasing it. Stop dimming your light because people tell you that you’re not allowed to shine. If people are afraid of your light it’s because they’ve gotten comfortable in their darkness. Remember that. You’ve been where they’ve been but made the decision to step into the day. Find people who are ready to put on their summer clothes, grab their mother-freakin’ suntan lotion and bask in your radiance, not people who are going to drag you under the clouds with them. Know your worth and you will naturally be guided to the ones who vibe off of your energy, not diminish it. Keep shining my love. You attract what you believe. You attract what you think. You attract what you feel. You attract what you are. Be the light and you will see the light. Much love and God bless.

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Smile, it’s the greatest revenge.

“She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.”

– Proverbs 31:25

The biggest revenge in life? Spend time with those who give you ear to ear smiles and let the others miss those ear to eat smiles…God will fight for you by sending you laughter and smiles. The only weapon you need. Who makes you smile the most??

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Emmanuel, If Only They Knew…

“Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel (which means, “God with us”).

– Matthew 1:23

My everything. If only they knew. If only they knew how you saved me. If only they knew what you’ve done. If only they knew when I had no one, you were my best friend. If only they knew how you adopted me and took me in as your own. If only they knew how you strengthened me and raised me from the dead. If only they knew how you pulled me aside when I had no one to talk to. If only they knew you taught me everything I know. If only they knew how you held my hand when I was walking alone. If only they knew I didn’t find you, you came and snatched me up. If only they saw how you stayed with me, they’d know that I’m never alone. Show me how to teach the world what you’ve done for me. Maybe then they’d decide not to run.

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Shine, The World Needs You!

“Oh, that i had wings like a dove; then i would fly away and rest! I would fly far away to the quiet of the wilderness. How quickly i would escape far from this wild storm of hatred.” – Psalm 55:6-8

Those searching for peace will want to run and hide away from all of the hatred and negativity going on in this world. I’m one of them. The thing is by running away, we’re hiding the exact light that this world needs in a time of darkness. Be the positivity in the negativity. The light in the darkness. The love within the hatred. The peace within the chaos. The world needs you to shine upon it. Shine, my love. Shine so bright they can only quiver away in the shadows of their own darkness.

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Heal…

Heal little darling, it’s okay to cry.

Heal little darling, don’t keep pain inside.

Heal little darling, swear you’ll be okay.

Heal little darling, don’t run from the ache.

Heal little darling, show them who you are.

Heal little darling, don’t hide in the dark.

Heal little darling, your truths lie in you.

Heal little darling, let your lion loose.

Heal little darling, no more being afraid.

Heal little darling, light your fire, be brave.

Heal little darling, angels are meant to fly.

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Run With Pain

“It was not the thorn bending to the honeysuckle, but the honeysuckle embracing the thorn.”

Wuthering Heights

This week I wanted to discuss a quote from my ALL TIME FAVORITE novel, Wuthering Heights.

I chose this quote in particular because sometimes in life we think that we’ll heal from past traumas. That if we cry it all out, try to laugh, try to smile, try to tell ourselves that it doesn’t hurt, then eventually it won’t.

That’s not true. Well, not really.

Yes, sometimes shit happens. We cry about it and a week later we’re good to go. But most of the time it doesn’t happen that way. Most of the time pain doesn’t completely heal itself. Months and years pass and when we look back on that event, IT STILL HURTS.

That’s okay.

Pain demands to be felt and we need to allow ourselves to feel it. All of it.

I’ve learned one too many times that pushing emotions to the side and pretending everything’s fine only creates bigger holes within us until we eventually get sucked up and lost within it.

Life sucks. Life is hard. Life hurts.

Every second we live has a purpose. Everything we do, we do for a reason. Nothing happens in vain. Nothing.

God. Angels. Spirit Guides. The Universe. Whatever you want to call it, these things don’t allow bad situations to happen just to torture you.

Unless you are a terrible person, then maybe.

No, but seriously, trust me. I know it’s hard to believe. I still struggle with it on the daily, but things don’t happen TO YOU, they happen FOR YOU.

When annoying things happen, we can sit here and cry, scream, and hate every cute thing in this world. Or we can use it to give us the strength to be better, to transform ourselves.

It doesn’t mean that the pain just disappears. That we throw it as far as we can and dip out on it. No. Feel it. Take it with you. Use it in the next chapter of your life. Pain makes the best stories. It also makes the strongest people.

Run with it.

Be the honeysuckle. Embrace the thorn.

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Skinny DOES NOT Define Beauty

I want to ask one simple question. A question that maybe you can answer because lately I’ve been unable to find meaning to it. That question is: Who out there discovered that it’s a provable fact that the term “skinny” defines beauty in all it’s glory?

Who said that unless you’re a size one with a jawline like God, you’re not pretty enough? Worthy enough? Confident enough? Sexy enough?


Society?

Click here to continue reading.

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What Being Multi Disabled Has Taught Me in Life

If you’re somehow stumbling across this page, or if you’re a follower of mine, you just didn’t pay attention when I said this, minimum, 100 times, I’m about to tell you a little something about myself.


I’m multi-disabled.


Yup. I have not one disability, but two. Go ahead, you can let it out. I’m prepared to hear all the:


• “OMG. I’m so sorry’s.”

  • “Two?! You poor unfortunate soul.”
  • “You’re such an inspiration.”
  • “Wait, and you still just like, live a normal life? So cool!”
  • “It’s okay, you’re just like everyone else in my eyes.”


Ah…never gets old.


Did you not say any of this? You’re just here to read a freakin’ blog about disability and my past is just triggering me again? Cool.

Jokes aside. Yes, I’m multi-disabled and that comes with a lot of ups and downs. In one of my previous blogs, I talked about all of the annoying things about being in a wheelchair but it’s time to clear that negativity and raise my positive vibrations. Wooh!


Yes there are a lot of things annoying about being multi-disabled, but every negative thing creates something positive within our lives.

Click here to continue reading.

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Hester Prynne Spoke the Truth…

“Thou must gather thine own sunshine.”

Hester Prynne: The Scarlet Letter

Holy hell is this one of my all time favorite literary quotes.

Can we just stop and have a moment of silence for what a goddess Hester Prynne actually is?

I’ll wait…

Despite being shunned by the ENTIRE TOWN, this girl picked herself up, found herself a home, and made a life for her and her daughter.

She endured torture and embarrassment without ever revealing the name of her suitor in an act of protecting his name.

She was a kind soul, always being respectful to those who mocked her.

Not to mention, she raised this bad, mother-freakin’ demon child Pearl, when I would’ve given her away to an exorcist real quick.

She’s a saint.

Hester Prynne is the embodiment of this quote!

No matter what life throws at you. No matter who hurts you. No matter what pain you have to endure…

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.

She went through hell and back and still picked herself up and found happiness even in the most difficult of situations.

If this isn’t motivation, then I don’t know what is.

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Dear Women, This One’s For You

I’m about to say something that’s going to completely contradict the whole message behind this post but I’m going to say it anyway. Why? Because I’m wild like that.

Here it goes…

Growing up, I didn’t like females, more specifically girls considering I was a child.

I really didn’t…like at all.

Now, if you’re going to ask me the reasoning behind why I felt this way, I would simply say, “I don’t know”.

Click here to continue reading.

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Motivational Songs You Must Listen To

Hey Guys!

I’ve noticed that recently I have been uploading a lot of motivational content.

Did I plan on doing that? No. I’ve just kinda been having a lot on my mind lately so I rant about it on here – as usual – and it just comes out sounding all preachy and motivational.

I’m kind of into it though.

Since I’ve been pushing out positive vibes lately I thought I’d continue it by sharing with you some songs that have really been motivating me lately.

Click here to read more.

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Letter to My Past…

I’m doing better now. At least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself.

It’s weird. I’m going through this transitional phase where you and my future are going head-to-head with each other, trying to fight for space within my spirit.

It’s seriously annoying, so can you stop?

My spirit guides keep calling me, – more like screaming at me – telling me to follow them. Telling me that it’s okay to not be okay. That no matter what I’m going through, I need to get my stubborn, flat butt up, grab their hands, and keep it pushin’.

I want to go with them. I want to trust them with everything I’ve got. I do.

Believe me.

I want to fall in love with myself.

I want to take care of my physical, mental, and emotional needs.

I want to be okay with being alone, but at the same time, be willing to open up my heart and start meeting new people.

I want to dance in the rain.

I want to be introduced to my higher, spiritual self.

I want to know who I truly am.

But mostly, I just want to be young, wild, and free.

Living life with no worries. Trusting that I’m being guided and knowing that EVERYTHING is a part of my journey and it’ll work out fine.

I want to live this life, but you won’t let me.

You keep holding me back.

I’m begging you to let go. To trust that you’ve done your job and that I’ll be okay.

You’ve held me down for too long, suffocating me to the point where I can’t taste the clean air.

You’ve chained me by your side, locked in a dark basement, isolated from any potential danger. Recollection of the summer skies have completely disappeared.

You say that you’re trying to keep me safe. Informing me about how the dark and light seem to have swapped meanings. If you go deep enough into the darkness, nothing can find you. But the light, that’s where you’re most vulnerable.

I’ve come to the realization that it’s not me you’re trying to protect. It’s you.

You’re scared of the counterfeit smiles plastered on strangers faces. You’ve been trapped by them one too many times.

You’re terrified of the memories of how every vessel would glow with each, “I love you”, just to have it taken away.

You’re petrified of all the judgmental glares you would receive from the millions of passing eyes. A little girl taking another step back with each one that hit her.

But you seem to forget how these things made you who you are, focusing only on the blacked-out memories instead of the light that could have come through if you’d just open your eyes.

You choose to ignore it because you’ve been burned by the sun one too many times. You believed for too long that it’s what led you to this basement. Cold. Dark. Lonely.

You need me to stay here to protect you because you know as soon as I step into the sun, it risk the possibility of you getting burned again.

But I don’t want to be here. I can’t stay and keep you safe anymore.

I’m sorry. I need to say goodbye.

I am forever grateful to you for sacrificing everything in order to keep me safe. Thank you for dealing with the tough s*** so I don’t have to. For taking on those lonely days so I can be filled with love. For always being impatient so I can learn from your mistakes. For hating yourself in order for me to learn how to understand, love, and be proud of who I am.

But most importantly, thank you for taking the bullet so I can be healed.

I will always remember you. You were my Tony Stark, sacrificing your life so mine can be safe. How can I forget that?

I promise to be your Peter Parker; following in your footsteps. Taking everything I’ve learned from you and learning to defend my world.

But I have to go now. The Avengers are calling; ready to help me fight.

I’ll be okay.

So, Dear Past Self…I love you 3,000.

You can rest now.

Sincerely,

Me.

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Love Yourself First, Because You Need You

Hey Guys,

So I wanted to use this blog as both, a way to clear my own head/start over fresh, and a way to talk to you guys about how ridiculously important it is to love yourself above all else.

Let me begin by giving you guys a little insight (by a little, I mean a lot) into the inspiration behind this piece.

In one of my post titled: Back from the Edge, I told you guys how over the past few months I’ve been going through this really weird cycle of feeling stuck and I had no idea how to help myself.

But let me take you back even further, back to when I was a wee tot starting middle school.

Not to toot my own child horn, but when I was in elementary school I had a lot of friends.

Every weekend I would have friends over. Every parent-teacher conference would end with, “She’s a great student but she talks too much. Everyone always gathers around her and it’s very distracting towards the other students.” Every night I would stay up talking to friends on the phone or A.I.M. Every party was crawling with little munchkins.

I know I sound like an egotistical a**whole right now but it’s true.

But as a child, – even as a teenager – you tend to base most of your self-worth on how many friends you have.

So, when I entered middle school and moved to LA (leaving all of my friends behind), I had a very difficult time.

I mentioned in another blog ( I forget which one and I’m too lazy to check) about how when I moved, I didn’t know how to meet new friends because I never had to. I grew up with the same kids my whole life. They were more siblings than anything.

Anyways, when I get to school in LA, I have no friends and I’m drowning in social anxiety.

The next three years were torturous because I didn’t understand why nobody wanted to hang out with me.

When high school comes around, I decide that it’s too tough. I don’t want to go to school if I’m going to be by myself every day anyway. This is when I decided to home-school, thinking that this would fix everything.

Nope.

I just got insanely depressed because I had nobody to talk to.

Fast forward to a couple years after graduating high school. I decided that I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been self-captivated for over 4 years now. I needed to get out and be around people again.

(I’m getting to the point, I promise.)

So I enroll in college and my main goal is to meet new people. Sounds fine, right? Nope.

I wanted friends so badly that I would quickly attach myself to people, hoping that they would stay.

Now, I’ve always been someone who became attached quickly because if someone gives me their heart, then I’ll give them mine in return.

However, I was at a stage in my life where I wanted people to love me so badly that I would give my heart away, getting nothing in return.

I would have one conversation with someone and all of a sudden think that maybe, possibly, this is my new best friend.

It wasn’t healthy.

Remember at the beginning of this blog I was telling you about how the last handful of months I was lost, lacking motivation, just kinda down?

Yeah, well, it’s actually been about a year and it all happened BECAUSE I GOT ATTACHED TOO DAMN QUICKLY.

To start off, at the end of last year I met someone, got really close to them, and then had them taken away. This alone left me completely lost.

Then I had a “friend” who I had known for a few months, had plans to meet up with her and she completely abandoned me in an unfamiliar city.

THEN, my sister and niece had to move back to our hometown, leaving me unable to spend nearly as much time with them.

Finally, last semester, I met a friend who I completely bonded with and hung out with every single day, during and after class. After the semester ended she didn’t seem too interested in continuing the friendship outside of school. I tried not to hold it against her because I didn’t know her situation, but it kind of hurt.

All of this happened in less than a year.

It took me months to get over this. I would get angry with God and ask him things such as: “Why do you take everything from me?” and “Why can’t I keep just one person?”

Then one day I wake up, randomly having the biggest epiphany of my life.

I started to realize that maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I got so used to having friends as a child that I based my entire being on that.

I was searching for something to give me value when my value never lied in the hands of others.

Maybe, just maybe, God wasn’t allowing me to keep anyone because he needed me to find value within myself.

On that day I made a vow with myself. I vowed that from this point on I’m letting go. If someone doesn’t stay in my life, then oh well. They obviously weren’t meant to stay. I vowed that I’m going to find everything I’ve been searching for within myself. I vowed that I’m going to take care of myself so that way I don’t need to be so dependent on other people.

I’m telling you, ever since I made this promise to myself, I have felt SO MUCH better.

There are still days when my soul wants to run back into the cave that it called home for so long, but now I’m stronger. Now I allow myself to feel whatever emotion I need to feel, but then I pick myself up and get to steppin’.

Because I am worth so much more than feeling down about things I cannot change. At least not now.

And so are you.

We cannot control other people in any way, shape, or form. The only person we have complete control over is ourselves and that’s an amazing thing.

Think about it, you are the only one who feels what you feel, who thinks what you think, who loves who you love and who hurts when you hurt.

You are the one who has to spend twenty-four-seven with yourself, not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically as well.

Nobody else.

Imagine spending everyday with your closest loved one. If you could embody them for even five-minutes and feel everything they feel; every insecurity, every fear, every physical pain, every ounce of sadness. Wouldn’t you do anything in your power to help them be happier?

So why not do it for yourself?

Why not protect yourself the way you protect others? Why not love yourself the way you give your heart to others? Why not worry about yourself the way you do others? Why not spoil yourself the way you would spoil others? Why not work your ass off so you can provide yourself with a secure life just the way you would want to provide for others?

HUH?

You don’t need a significant other or tons of friends to show you what you’re worth.

Show yourself your worth. No, show the world.

Yes, this past year has been hard, but in hindsight, I believe those wearily lingering months were meant to wake me the f*** up.

Now I know what I need to do. What is that you ask?

I need to love, take care of, and protect myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I need to stop caring about what people think of me and whether or not they stay, because I know that nothing can take away those who are destined to go with me on this journey. I need to work towards a better future for MYSELF. Most importantly, I need to just live life and keep moving forward, no matter what.

I’ve wasted so much of my life chasing other people, when someone was screaming out for me in a place I was too afraid to look.

I can’t guarantee that I’m not going to go off track, but I can guarantee that I’ll refill my tank, turn on WAZE and get back on the road.

I want you to go on this journey with me. Fill up your tank and let’s get going.

Don’t stop for hitch-hikers unless they’re willing to pitch in for gas and join you on this journey.

On the way to your destination, don’t stop and worry about the people in the bougie Teslas grimacing at your crusty, run-down Volkswagen. Just smile, know that the story behind your Volkswagen gives it its beauty, and keep movin’.

Make sure you’re stopping at rest stops and refueling, taking naps, meditating, drinking water, stretching and checking yourself in the mirror, because it’s going to be a long ride.

YOU got this.


Thank you guys for reading. Dang! I got all motivational. Don’t get used to it because I don’t like being cheesy so I don’t know how often it’s going to happen.

Before I go, I wanted to leave you guys with three songs that keep me motivated during this time of my life. I hope they do the same for you.

  1. Like a Girl – Lizzo
  2. Get Down – James Arthur
  3. City Dove – Tori Kelly

Question Time:

What are some things you do to practice self love?

• What is some advice you would give to people who is in process of self-discovery?


I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

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My 4 Pieces of Advice on Raising a Disabled Child that You Didn’t Ask For

If you’re the parent or caretaker of someone with a form of disability, you’re life is probably an anxiety-induced mess of not knowing if you’re doing it correctly or completely f***ing up their lives even more.

Raising a child, I’m sure, can be stressful on it’s own.

Knowing that eighty-percent of the choices you make (not statistically accurate) can and will impact your child either positively or negatively.

But then you have a disabled child who relies on you EVEN MORE.

Ugh!

You want to do everything in your power to protect them because you know they’re more fragile than most, but then you also want them to live strong, independent lives.

Before you have a panic attack, I’m going to help you out.

As a disabled child myself –

Well, I’m 24, not really a child but you get me –

I have been impacted in dozens of ways through how, not only my parents, but others around me, have raised me, viewed my abilities, treated me, etc.

There were good and bad in the experiences with people that have impacted who I am today. So, I am going to use some of the things I learned as a disabled child and let you in on

My Advice On Raising a Disabled Child:


1. Treat Them Like Any Other Annoying Child

If they’re being bad as hell, yell at them!

If they leave a mess, tell them to clean it up!

If they get in trouble at school, ground them!

If they’re being annoying, tell them! Be annoying back!

If they want to talk about real life things like, friends, boys/girls that they like, dating, etc. talk to them about it.

Some people react to their disabled kids talking about dating and friends as if they think it’s cute.

It’s not cute! It’s real life.

How you react to things that they’re telling you is going to be what they expect of themselves in the future.

If you don’t take it seriously when they talk to you about – let’s say, dating for example – they may grow up believing that they’re not worthy enough to fall in love like everyone else.

Kids grow up expecting the world to view them the same way that their parents do.

If you don’t take them seriously or believe that they can live a normal life, neither will they.

Treat them like any other child: get mad at them, talk to them about personal crap and –


2. Expect More From Them

This is where I started to get a little bit lost in life and had to figure out who I wanted to be on my own.

My dad was always the person who expected more from me.

He never, not once, believed that just because I was in a wheelchair that meant I didn’t need to go to college, get a job, and one day be able to take care of myself.

He always stressed the importance of me learning to provide for myself because he won’t always be here for me.

As a late teen, early adult, his persistence on me getting a job irritated me like no other.

I think this was mostly because I lived with my mother who had contradicting thoughts.

While she was never opposed to me getting a job, she wasn’t encouraging either.

Whenever I would talk about the idea of working, she would tell me how working wasn’t important right now. I still lived at home and she took care of me, so why get a job?

I agreed with her for awhile, until I started getting a little bit older.

I started thinking about life: how everyone my age was working, how I wanted more money than just financial aid, I wanted to get out and meet people and most importantly –

I knew that I didn’t want to live at home forever.

Because I had this mindset that I didn’t need to have goals or worry about my future, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be in life.

Once I started to think about life and expecting more of myself, I started to find who I am and understand that I deserve more than sitting at home, living off of my parents’ money, and depending on them for everything.

So, piece of advice, expect more out of them.

Just because they’re disabled doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to live a normal, independent life.

If you had (or have) an able bodied kid, you wouldn’t expect them to just sit at home with mommy and daddy, not having any friends or education or job. You would want them to get the hell out of your house and live their own lives.

Do the same for your disabled child.

While my dad annoys me sometimes, I’m so grateful that he always believed in me.

It may be hard for them and scary for you, but trust me, they’ll thank you one day.


3. Let THEM Live Their Lives!

Ugh!

One of the most annoying things when it comes to being disabled is people automatically assuming that you can’t make decisions on your own!

I’m not just blaming my parents for doing this from time-to-time, but a lot of people in general.

If you want to take away a sense of self-worth from a disabled person, just control their lives.

No! Do not do this!

Being disabled, your life already heavily revolves around other people so DO NOT control the things that we have the freedom of doing ourselves.

Throughout my life people have tried to tell me what to wear, how I should do my hair, what I should or shouldn’t eat, when I go to bed, whether or not tattoos would look good on my “disabled body” or not, etc, etc, et freaking cetera!

Nothing would make my sister and I feel worse than when we would tell whoever was dressing us that day what we wanted to wear and they would completely bypass what we said and put whatever they thought was cute on us.

So please, do not control their lives!


4. Stop Worrying

My final and – dare I say? – most important piece of advice is to just STOP WORRYING.

Like I mentioned earlier, raising a child in general is one of the scariest things you can do. But then to have a child with a disability?

I understand it can make life scary, trust me, it’s scary for us too!

That’s exactly why you need to be brave and trust that everything will be okay.

When you’re brave, you can incorporate bravery into your child’s head as well.

Help them believe that whatever happens, whatever they go through in life, whatever difficulties they may face, a solution can and will be found.

Well, sometimes, but you get me.

My sister and I were both born with disabilities and our whole lives my mom was an anxious mess.

Every check-up with the doctors she nearly had a panic attack.

When we’d hang out with friends it’d be a load of: Who? What? Where? When? And Why’s?

If we didn’t tell her when we arrived somewhere, our phones would be blown up until she got an answer.

She had a lot of concerns and fears about everything in life because she had three children to protect, two of them being disabled.

Because of this, my sister and I grew up being pretty cautious. Not saying this is a bad thing, but with every step in life came anxious thoughts of wondering if we’ll be okay taking those steps.

Luckily for us, we had a balance of my moms loving cautiousness and my dads confidence to just go out there and do it that allowed us to

So just breathe and trust that everything will be okay.

Instead of worrying about the what-ifs, just let them live life and see what happens.

If life gets hard, just be there to help them get through it. It’ll be okay.


So, that’s a few tips that I have for you guys on doing your best to raise a disabled child.

Like with any kid, you’re not going to get it one hundred percent right and I think the best thing for you to do is embrace that.

At the end of the day, all you need to do is believe in them, be there for them when they need you, and treat them the same way you would any other child.

My point is, don’t make them feel different because life’s already going to do that on its own.

Show them that the world is theres no matter what and that they’ll be okay.

I promise, they’ll thank you for it later.


I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana
@itsjusttiana1
Itsjusttianablogs
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Back From the Edge…

Hey Guys!

So, the past few months have been…weird.

Have you ever been in that annoying transitional phase of your life, where you feel like everything’s about to change for the better and yet you’re just sitting around waiting for it to happen?

In the meantime, everything isn’t bad per se but just…weird.

You lack motivation in doing the things that you used to love and yet you’re more inspired than ever.

You’re questioning every life decision you’ve made thus far.

You’re going through this thing where, overall, you just want to be better and work on yourself but lack the motivation to do so.

You just feel kinda lost.

You don’t necessarily feel sad, just more stuck than anything.

And yet, something in you feels like that’s all going to change soon, you just don’t know how or when.

You just sit there and let this annoying phase pass until you see the light.

Welp, that’s been happening to me the past few months.

I’ve been going through the most confusingly frustrating time in my life and it’s been really…well…weird.

I have been loving writing more than ever recently and yet have been lacking the motivation to write.

I’ve been wanting to meet new people and yet keeping myself in isolation.

I’ve been wanting to change who I was and become reborn but kept holding on to the past.

I swear you guys, it was like my past and future were dukin’ it out in my soul and I was the one taking the blows.

Gah!

But now, I am happy to say that I am back from the edge and I have made it to the other side (well, for now) and the winner of that viscous battle is…

….

My Past!!

kidding.

My future!

I am back into the mindset of knowing what needs to be done, who I want to be, and where I need to go.

Mostly, I’ve been feeling more inspired with writing again.

I think taking a creative writing class while going through this phase of my life was a good step to take.

It forced me to not only dive deep into my emotions, but to write something every day, even if it wasn’t good.

This got my creative juices flowing – still hate that phrase – and now I’m ready to keep going!

I know I’ve said this like 15 times and still haven’t been posting any content, but this time is different.

I’ve motivated myself by doing the following:

• Buying a WordPress Prime Membership.

• Planning Out Blogs in Advance.

• Taking Writing Classes.

• Changing My Page Name (kind of).

Let me tell you real quick about why I changed my username.

The thing is, I love writing blogs related to lifestyle and advice, but I also love the freedom to be able to write about whatever it is that I’m feeling in the moment.

I know that some people believe that you’ll never gain a following without a niche and maybe that’s true, but I don’t care anymore.

So many nights I didn’t have a blog prepared for the next day because I had a lot of ideas but none of them suited my “niche”.

It would drive me crazy and make me completely stressed out to the point where I just didn’t post anything.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

That’s why I decided to change my name to Itsjusttiana’s Thoughts.

That way, if I want to talk about movies, I can. If I want to talk about love, I can. If I want to talk about celebrity gossip, I can. If I want to talk about how Taco Bell gave me the runs last night… I can and I will.

I don’t want to be chained down to only talking about specific things. That’s not me.

So, if people enjoy hearing what I have to say about things… different things, then awesome.

If not? Oh well.

So that’s that guys. I’ve been going through this really weird funk in life lately and it’s been affecting my writing and inspiration towards it but I hope and pray that it’s over now.

Also, the reason I titled this post Back from the Edge is because it’s a song by my favorite artist James Arthur.

This song has helped me out a lot during this time and I feel like I’ve related to it more than anything in awhile.

You should listen to it and hopefully it’ll help you too…if you wanna. Who am I to tell ya what to listen to?

Anyways, I just wanted to write about this to sort of clear my mind, start fresh, and let you guys know what’s up.

If you’re going through a similar situation, just know that everything will pass. Any negative emotions or confusion or lack of inspiration will not stay there forever. In the meantime, think about who it is you want to be so that way when you get out of that funk you can get started on the next phase of your journey.

I know it’s frustrating but you got this.

Welp, I have a tattoo appointment so I’ll see you guys on Wednesday. Bye!


I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana

@itsjusttiana1

Itsjusttianablogs
Facebook.com/blogsbyt

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My Thoughts: Can Interabled Relationships Last?

**DISCLAIMER**

I recently ran into the topic that I’m about to speak on and it really bothered me so I just needed to rant about it real quick, no edits.

Well…a few edits.

So, if things don’t make sense or sound weird, that’s why.

I was pissed.

Don’t blame me.

…Proceed.


A few months ago, Dr. Phil sparked controversy in the disabled community, when he had an interabled couple on his show and stated his (unnescessary) opinion, telling the female counterpart (the “caretaker”) that –

“You can be his lover or you can be his caregiver, but you can’t be both…It won’t work , 100 out of 100 times this won’t work.” – Some Idiot

As it should, this started a fire all across social media where people were using the hashtag #100outof100 as a way to show love to and for interabled couples all across the world in response to this hurtful comment.


First, let me start by telling you why I agree with him.

As a disabled person myself, I agree with the fact that if interabled relationships focus more on the person being a caretaker rather than a lover, yes, it can get a bit overwhelming.

Every couple needs breaks from one another, it’s natural, otherwise they are going to get on each others nerves.

Just like parents take care of their children and need a break every once in a while, so do partners in this situation.

Of course if a couple doesn’t do coupley things, have separate lives and find boundaries between care-taking and their relationship, it’s not going to feel like a true, loving relationship anymore.

It’s going to feel like a job.

I’ve seen interabled relationships end badly because they forgot to draw a line between the two.

So yes, having your partner also be your caregiver can become problematic and stressful…if not handled correctly.

HOWEVER,

The fact that he said you can’t be both a lover and a caregiver?

I just…

What the f***!?


Interabled relationships are just like any other in the sense that they need:

  • Boundaries.
  • Communication.
  • Separate Lives.
  • Patience.
  • Understanding.
  • True Love.

Relationships – ALL RELATIONSHIPS – will not last without these things.

Interabled relationships may need a little bit more work, but if it’s truly a loving relationship, the couples have their own separate lives, and they focus on their relationship…it will work.

Whether interabled or able-bodied, relationships take time and dedication, it just depends on how much you’re willing to put in.


So to answer my own question, yes, I do believe that interabled relationships can last.

It all just depends on how much each person is willing to do to keep the relationship alive, whether or not the relationship has open-communication and how much time each couple spends together.


I know, I might be a little late on this trend, but if you’re reading this, I want you to speak out.

If your in an interabled relationship, flaunt it. Prove the people who believe the same naive thoughts as Dr. Phil, wrong.

Fall in love. Focus on your relationship. Communicate.

Do you.

If you’re ablebodied, there’s so much you can do.

Speak out about it.

If you see someone speaking negatively – or even if they just have questions about it – keep them informed. Let them know that, yes, interabled relationships are a thing and, yes, they can actually work!

GASP!


Question Time!

  • Do you think Interabled relationships can last?
  • What are your thoughts on Dr.Phils 100 out of 100 theory?

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Hump Day!

It’s that time of the week where we’re all on the verge of insanity, waiting for the weekend to come.

Every ten minutes feeling like an hour, every hour feels like a day.

It’s exhausting!

But you’re almost there, just two more days mis amigos!

I for one, have been all kinds of messed up this week, that’s why I have to write this random, ill thought out blog.

Why am I all messed up you ask? No you didn’t? Oh well –

Let me catch you up…

• I’ve been trying to find a job, finally got an interview this week, then missed it. Yay!

Thankfully, the guy gave me a second chance – Better yay!

• I’ve been trying to do freelance work to earn a little extra cash while I wait for a job, then, out of nowhere I start to get a few jobs all at once, which is overwhelming.

• Finally, school started back this week!

Long story short, I’ve been busy this week and I’m not used to it so it’s kinda freaking me out.

I know these are all blessings and I sound like a little b**** complaining but I truly am grateful.

Like I said in previous blogs, I’m lazy, so having things to do is going to take a little time to get used to and a lot of planning.

I’ll figure it out.

Anyway, it wasn’t until five minutes ago that it dawned on me that I don’t have a blog for today, so I thought I would shake things up a bit.

I want to use this blog to catch up with you guys.

Let’s talk, it’ll be fun!

In the comments below feel free to answer these questions:

• How’s your week going so far?

• How’s your day going?

• Has anybody annoyed you recently? How? I want all the deets.

• If you’re working on a project right now, what is it?

• What did you eat today? ( Never write on an empty stomach.)

You don’t have to answer any of these annoying questions if you don’t want to. I don’t blame you.

Whatever’s on your mind, type it down below.

I want to know what’s up.

Happy Hump Day!


I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana
@itsjusttiana1
Itsjusttianablogs
Facebook.com/blogsbyt
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My Non-Traditional Meditation Method…

Meditating, just like everything else: iced coffee, poke, vintage clothing, anything green and disgusting and any clothing item that barely covers your body, seems to be a random “trendy” thing to do nowadays.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I went to school and some random person – who, quite a few times, seemed like they were on acid – has ranted to me about meditation and how it “changed their lives” and “helped them become one with themselves”.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that meditating actually does help a lot of people and that’s amazing.

Do you baby-boo.

But it just hasn’t ever worked for me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get myself to sit for twenty minutes and listen to the wind.

I was just bored as f***.

Overtime, I figured out a new way that I could connect with myself without having an anxiety attack every time I couldn’t stop getting distracted by the damn clock ticking and me trying to stay on-beat with it.

I don’t need to listen to my heartbeat or my stomach gargle or whatever it is that you’re supposed to listen to.

Nope…I just talk to myself.

Everyday I go to a quiet room for two minutes – that’s all it usually takes – and I ask myself how I’m doing physically, mentally and emotionally.

If I’m doing fine in all three categories that day, great, that’s that.

However, if something is going on in the ‘ol noggin, corazon or soul ( I didn’t know a cool word for that one), that two minutes takes a little bit longer.

I then sit in said room, look like a psycho, and talk to myself about what’s going on.

I talk about things such as:

  • What it is that I’m feeling.
  • Why I’m feeling this way.
  • I give myself advice…because I’m good at it *wink* *wink*.
  • Try to talk myself through my emotions and figure out ways in which I can allow myself to feel better.

I may look and sound like a crazy person doing this, but it’s something that has helped me so much in the past couple of years.

I’ve never been the type of person who liked to talk about my emotions or get advice because I felt like nobody could help anyway.

I would leave all these negative emotions inside – which obviously isn’t healthy – and it would create nothing but even more negative feelings.

Doing this allows me to release all my thoughts and emotions and figure out good, productive, healthy ways to cope with them.

Talking to myself is the best way for me to keep myself emotionally stable.

I mean, who knows you better than yourself right?

Try it out and tell me what you think.


Question Time:

  • What are your thoughts on meditating?
  • What is the best form of meditation that works for you?

I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana
@itsjusttiana
Itsjusttianablogs
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My Thoughts: Love at First Sight

Ah, love at first sight. What is it exactly?

Some believe it doesn’t exist, you just see someone and it’s nothing but infatuation…you just want to get in their pants pretty much.

Whereas others tend to have different ideas.

They believe that it’s possible to see someone and have an instant soul connection, instantly want to know more about them. Instantly want to spend time with them . Instantly know that’s who you’ve been waiting for your entire life.

You won’t be able to shake them.

I’m one of those people.

Contrary to my last “My Thoughts” post where I discussed my thoughts on whether or not soulmates exist, I actually have a strong answer this time.

I may not fully agree with the term “soulmate”, but I do believe there’s someone out there waiting for each and every one of us and we’ll know when we find them.

It’ll be like no one you’ve ever met before.

You’ll be drawn to them, their energy will connect with yours. You might get nervous around them when you’re usually a confident person. There will instantly be something about them that you’ve never seen in anyone else.

They’ll captivate you and you won’t want to let go.

It’ll feel like home.

Now, I’m so single that it’s ridiculous but I know there’s a difference between wanting to take someone to bed, and wanting to learn everything there is to know about them.

It’s different. It just is.


Question Time:

  • Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?

I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana

@itsjusttiana1

Itsjusttianablogs

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3 Songs That Completely Changed My Life

We all come across that one song – well, in my case 3 – that absolutely changes who we are as a person.

Whatever the emotion is that it evokes in us is unlike anything we’ve ever felt before.

Whether it inspires us to be better, brings us back to an old memory or helps us deal with our emotions in a way that nothing else can…

It sparks something within us.

It makes us feel connected to something bigger than just our own thoughts and feelings.

It lets you know that you’re not alone.

Here are three songs that did that to me:


She Used to be Mine – Waitress

Even though this song can be depressing as hell, it’s sad in the most beautiful way.

Every time things are hard or I feel lost and don’t know who I am, I turn to this song.

I straight-up ugly-cry every time I hear it but somehow, come out feeling stronger and ready to fight through life.

It reminds me of the little girl I once was, so brave and carefree despite what was going on in the world around me.

It motivates me to keep fighting for her, because she deserves it.

“For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two, for the girl that I knew. Who’ll be reckless, just enough.” -Waitress.


Cry Today, Smile Today – Anthony Ramos

The title in itself should show you what an incredibly inspiring song this is.

Considering Anthony just released this song, I haven’t known about it for long.

From the moment his angelic voice, given to him straight from God himself sang those words, ” ’cause lately friends don’t stick around’ I knew this was going to be a song that I was going to play 10,000 times in the next month.

The lyrics are so pure, so beautiful, so magnetic.

Anyone who listens to it will be able to relate because there’s something in it for everyone.

We all need to know that it’s okay to feel our emotions but to not to be consumed by them. Get back up and try again tomorrow.

This songs message is something that everyone needs to here and when you here the story behind the lyrics, you’ll love it even more.

“With puzzled pieces in my palms, wondering what the hell I did wrong.” – Anthony Ramos


Waiting for Superman – Daughtry

Ah, saved the best for last.

This song right here is probably my all time favorite song.

EVER.

When I hear this song, I can interpret it in so many different ways depending on whatever annoying emotion I’m dealing with that day.

The song is about a women who’s waiting for Superman (the love of her life) to come find her. In the meantime, she just chillin’ and searching for what will belong to her eventually.

Yes I do listen to this song in times of loneliness, wondering where my “Superman” is, but that’s not the only thing I interpret it as…

I connect “Superman” to my goals, wondering when my dreams are going to come true but still working towards them.

I connect it with people in my life that I miss.

I connect it with my future and just waiting for the next chapter in my life.

I’m not going to lie, I do mostly connect it to love but I also thought about these other things while listening to it before too.

That’s what’s so beautiful about the song, it’s so creatively written that you can connect it to whatever you’re going through.

I’ve been in love with this song for about 6 years now and probably always will be.

Might even get this tattooed on me –

“Making a wish on a passing car.” – Daughtry


Question Time:

• What’s a song that changed your life? Or maybe that you just really like.


I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana
@itsjusttiana1
Itsjusttianablogs
Facebook.com/blogsbyt
Featured

How Anxiety Changed Me for the Better

As you guys may have read before, anxiety has been something that I’ve struggled with for a very long time.

I still do actually.

I’m not sure if it’ll ever completely go away and I’ve learned to accept that.

For anyone who struggles with anxiety or any other mental hardship, you may think it’s only there to torture you, but I promise, one day you’re going to look back and see that it made you stronger.

I never believed that would be true for me until I looked back on where I was then and compared it to how strong I am now.

I can tell you now, that my anxiety changed me for the better and here’s how…


Studying the Art That is Me

It all started back when I was just a wee-prepubescent-tot in the 6th grade.

After living my whole life in my hometown, growing up with the same kids and knowing the same teachers year-after-year, my mom decided to up and move to LA.

I was completely lost in the art of making new friends.

I’ve never learned how to because I’ve never needed to! I’ve had the same friends my whole life.

My social anxiety went through the roof to the point where it was impossible to make new friends.

Those three years were miserable to say the least.

Everyday I sat alone. Everyday I had no one to talk to. Everyday I tried my hardest to convince my mom not to make me go to school. Everyday I was lonely.

Until finally in eighth grade, I decided my best bet was to be home-schooled.

That must be better than having no friends, right?

It wasn’t.

For four years, I sat in my room alone. I had no one to talk to. I was all alone.

I cried a lot.

I almost went insane.

As horrible and lonely this time in my life was, those dead-silent four walls taught me a lot.

I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted, what made me sad, what made me happy, what I needed to change.

Looking back, would I go back and change my decision to home-school? Yes.

But I don’t regret my choice. It led me here, writing this post for you.

Pushed Through My Fears

All those years of being by myself led me to my breaking point.

I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

I wanted to stop caring whether or not people liked me. I wanted to stop being shy. I wanted to stop being scared of meeting new people. I wanted to stop disliking myself. I wanted to stop feeling anxious. I wanted to stop crying. I wanted to stop praying to a God I wasn’t even sure existed. I wanted to stop being me.

So, I decided I needed to change.

Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” – Walter Anderson

I didn’t know where to start exactly, but I knew that what I needed was to be around people.

I knew that getting a job would take way too long, especially being in a wheelchair.

I didn’t want to wait any longer, I had to do something now. So, I decided to enroll in college.

I’m not going to lie, during my first year, there were multiple times where I just wanted to throw my towel in, say “I give up” and drop out of school.

I wasn’t taking classes I enjoyed, I wasn’t meeting anybody, I wasn’t becoming more social. I hated everything about it…well, maybe not the financial aid. That was nice.

Anyways, I was nearing the beginning of a new semester and had no interest in re-enrolling. I convinced myself that I would find other ways to get out the house.

That same day I was home alone…all day…by myself.

I knew I couldn’t go back to that part of my life. I had to stick it out.

I started thinking about majors that I could possibly enjoy and that would also help me step out of my comfort zone.

I remembered how one time my teacher wrote on my paper how I would be great on the speech and debate team based on my essay.

That’s when I found my new major.

Even though it was the most horrifying thing ever, I absolutely loved it!

Overtime, I started getting used to the thrill of it all. I wouldn’t get as nervous, I stopped shaking, I even started making eye contact with the audience.

As nice as it was finally being able to feel comfortable in front of people, I missed that thrill.

The adrenaline after each speech made me get excited, feel more confident, more talkative.

I wanted that back.

I needed to step up my game.

That my friends, is when I joined theatre.

(Yes, I spelt it with an ‘re because I’m fancy like that.)

Social Butterfly

As most people would assume, being involved in theater and speech for two years took away a big percentage of my social anxiety.

I was able to easily hold conversations with people (sometimes longer than need be). I finally felt free to be myself. I slowly stopped caring what people thought about me. Things that I thought made me look stupid before started to seem so minuscule. I stopped having anxiety if people stared at me and I gained more confidence than I thought I could.

When I first started taking theater and speech classes I was HORRIBLE.

It wasn’t even that I wasn’t good, I just couldn’t even try because the anxiety was too much…so yeah, I guess that would mean I wasn’t good.

Over time, with continuous acts of stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping in front of people, my anxiety started dying down.

I was able to give f***ing amazing performances, if I do say so myself.

These good performances and continuous support from my classmates boosted my confidence in ways I wouldn’t trade for the world.

From that point on, holding conversations and meeting new people was a walk in the park.

I don’t act anymore but I will forever be grateful for the opportunities and memories I’ve gotten from doing it because it truly saved me.

Love and Life

Most people believe that you don’t really know what you want out of love until you go out there and test the waters, meet new people, get your heart broken a couple of times.

It was opposite for me.

I learned exactly what I wanted needed by being completely alone.

I had a lot of time to sit around and think. Think about the types of people I want in my life. The types of people in my past who brought out the best in me that I hope to have in the future. The type of person I need by my side. The type of person who would love me the way I want and deserved to be loved. I thought about the people who I chased in the past but who didn’t chase back and how I would never do that again.

Being single also allowed me learn from other people’s mistakes. Like a journalist, I would sit back and watch, ready to find the hottest gossip for next weeks pitch meeting.

Notebook in hand, pencil behind the ear, ready to go.

I took notes on things that I needed to be prepared for before falling in love, such as: the difficulties of me being in a wheelchair, his life choices, – not to sound judgey, but dudes gotta have a job – whether or not this person respects me and makes it easy for me to trust him, if I genuinely love him and love being around him, what I want to achieve in life before settling down, the list goes on and on.

My anxiety plays a huge part in letting people in because of all things I have to think about, but hey, hopefully it lets me know what I want.

I Deserve the World

Out of all the things my anxiety has taught me, the most important thing was that I realized what I deserve.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have my doubts about myself, I still have my anxieties and let’s be honest…I’m still lazy.

But despite all this, I learned that nobody’s going to be there for me except myself and in all reality, that’s all I need.

I went through a lot in those years of solidarity. It made me feel drained for a long time. I’m still recovering to this day. Now that I’ve built a little bit more confidence, it’s time that I focus on myself and know that’s enough.

I know that I need to create the reality that I want to exist and that starts from within, but it also takes time.

I know who I am…but I’m still learning.

I know what I want…but I’m still learning.

I know who I want to be friends with…but I’m still learning.

I know the type of man I want to love me…but I’m still learning.

I know how to deal with my anxieties and sadness…but I’m still learning.

I know I deserve the world…but I’m still learning what that world is.

I’m learning…and that’s okay.

Before I learned how to control my anxiety, I didn’t want to learn. I wanted to be happy NOW. I wanted to have friends NOW. I wanted to fall in love NOW.

I was so impatient and that’s what drove me insane.

My anxiety taught me to reach for what I want, but to also be okay with where I am. It’s still a battle I face everyday, but it’s one I’m strong enough to handle.


Question Time:

  • What’s one “negative” thing in your life that you’re grateful for? How did you get to this stage?

I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana
@itsjusttiana1
Itsjusttianablogs
Blogsbyt
Featured

Summer Goals • 2019

Ah, summer! The second opportunity we get each year to make plans to change our lives, even though we never do.

Why?

Because humans are lazy…

Kidding.

Anyways, there’s a trend going around in the blogging community where writers are talking about their goals for this upcoming, miserably-hot, nothing-going-on-even-though-people-think-there’s-going-to-be-things-going-on-so-they-are-just-left-dissappointed- SEASON!

Can you tell I’m bitter about summer?

Moving on, shout out to Hannah from The Striped Plaid for giving me this idea by writing her own awesome post about her goals for this summer. Really excited me to want to write some myself. Go check her out!

Here are my goals for this summer…



1. Pay for a Business Account

I’ve been getting really ticked-off lately because there’s so much I want to do with my blog to make it better and more interactive –

BUT YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT A FREAKIN’ BUSINESS ACCOUNT.

I plan on purchasing a site this summer so I can: one, get a domain name – yay! – and two, get awesome widgets like an email-list and click to tweet.

Be excited, ’cause this summer’s about to get cray-zee on this ‘ere blog!

2. Network, network, network!

Remember how I told you that I was like SUPER FAMOUS because I have 20 followers now?

Well fame doesn’t come from nowhere –

YOU GOTTA WORK FOR THAT SH**!

(I’m gonna stop with that joke now.)

But in all seriousness, half of my current followers have come from blogs that I genuinely enjoy and follow.

I find blogs that I like, (obviously) read their post, and constantly comment and keep in touch with them.

I don’t ask for follows. I don’t ask them to check out my page. I’m just genuine and – sometimes – they check out my page and follow me back.

It’s pretty awesome.

I also find people on social media and do the same thing, which tends to work too.

Like I said, I only do this to people I genuinely enjoy. I’m not just looking for opportunities to be a kiss-ass.

I find blogs I like, comment, and if they happen to follow me back – amazing!

Any-who, that’s what I’m going to do this summer, just continue to build relationships and find some new ones along the way.

I’m excited.

3. Post 3x’s a Week.

I already told you guys about how I wanted to start posting 3x’s a week.

I want to keep that up during summer.

Welp, not much else to say…

Next.

4. Continue to Learn

I’m still a fetus in this world of blogging and I want to grow to be Andre the Giant.

Dumb joke, I know.

My goal this summer is to continue to learn how the art of blogging works.

Here are a couple of things I hope to master by the end of summer:

  • Email-lists.
  • Building an audience.
  • Guest Blogging.
  • The Business side of blogging.

I’m going to dedicate a lot of my free-time to studying everything I can about WordPress and blogging in general.

I’ve never thought I would love doing this as much as I’ve grown to and it’s something that I know I can be good at and even, hopefully, make a career out of someday.

Let’s see what happens…

5. 100 Followers

I chose this number because it’s not an unreasonable goal.

I have what? 3-4 months to gain gain under 80 followers?

Not bad.

The dream would be to have OVER 100 followers by the end of the summer but my main focus is to get to 100.

Can you imagine? 100 of you guys voluntarily wanting to read my nonsense?

Woah.

I love building relationships and talking to people on this site and if those numbers can grow?…Well gosh-darnit, I’d be a happy little lamb!

What?….

If you’re reading this…you know what to do. 😉



1. Get Out More

Whether it’s through my blog, freelance writing, or working for a business, my goal is to eventually make money someday working from home.

I’ve been going to college for about two years now, and I recently realized that it’s not for me.

YO GIRL NEEDS TO MAKE MONEY!

In my situation – being in a wheelchair – it’s almost impossible to go to school and work a full time job.

So I chose working.

Long-story-short, if I do end up working from home and not going to school, I worry about how often I’d be getting out the house.

I want to start making a goal to plan at least 2 or 3 things a week that I can do to get my lazy butt out on the town.

When that time comes, I don’t want to turn into a hermit so I’m going to start now.

Los Angeles, here I come!…probably by myself, because…I have no friends…BUT HERE I COME NONETHELESS.

2. Meet New People

This kind of goes hand-in-hand with goal number one. Remember the whole “getting out” and “no friends” thing? Well, yeah, one thing I can do to fix those things is to reach out and try to meet new people.

Am I getting an anxiety attack just thinking about this? Yup.

I’ll be fine – it’s whatever.

So, whether it’s by going to meet-ups, taking hobby classes, or talking to strangers at the bus stop (probably shouldn’t do that one), I’m going to get my little socially-awkward self out of my comfort zone and go meet new people this summer.

“yay”.

3. Find a Job

Until I figure out my dream of being lazy and working from home, I’m going to need a real job in the meantime.

Again, being in a wheelchair, finding a mainstream job isn’t the easiest thing to do.

My goal this summer is to think of some jobs that I would love to and can do, apply, get a job, and wring in the coin.

Goodness, I can’t wait.

giphy

4. Take Care of Myself

This one is probably the most important one to me – and should be for everyone.

I worry a lot. I stress a lot. I think about the future a lot. I think about people a lot. I hold on to people –  who I shouldn’t – a lot. I overthink a lot. I think about the worst case scenarios a lot.

Point blank, I think too much and this – obviously – affects my mind and in-turn, my body.

This summer I’m going to focus on me.

Whether physical, psychological, or emotional, I’m going to start paying more attention to and take care of myself.

If I don’t do it, who will?


I don’t know if I’m going to get all of these things done this summer, or if it’s going to take me much longer. What I do know is, no matter how long the journey takes, I want to get to the destination.

As corny as I’m being right now, I want to say one more thing.

You don’t need to wait for New Years or Summer or whatever to have goals for yourself. Try to grow every single day.

You got this!


Question Time:

  • What are your goals for this summer?
  • Do you keep the goals you make during these seasons? It’s okay, you can be honest. I won’t judge.

I’d Love to Hear from You!

If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chit-chat, let’s do it!

You can find me in the comment section down below or follow me on any of my socials and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Make sure to follow this page to keep up to date on my latest posts.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Itsjusttiana
@itsjusttiana1
Itsjusttianablogs
Blogsbyt
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